Alright, the SEC Network officially becomes a reality on August 14, 2014. I, for one, am pretty psyched. That having been said, they haven't finalized a deal with all the major networks yet....pick it up Time Warner Cable! And while you're at it, make it so I can record more than 2 shows at once. Sunday nights are terrible, I literally have to record shows at 1am, or heaven forbid wait until it comes On Demand. What is this North Korea? That was a joke, North Korea is a very real and terrible place...according to the documentaries on Netflix.
Also, the SEC Network is going to have their very own College Gameday that will rotate to different schools throughout the SEC, with Joe Tessitore, PAAAAWWWWL (Roll Damn Tide / War Damn Eagle) Finebaum, and possibly Timothy "The Patron Saint of Jacksonville" Tebow. So if you're looking for thoughtful insight and analysis, don't watch this show. I literally can't wait though until they have to make the obligatory stop to Vanderbilt and 15 people show up with with "Anchor Down" shirts and red eyes from studying particle physics for 26 straight hours.
The SEC Network has officially released videos for each of the 14 schools in the conference. Some are pretty good, some are ok, and some make you wonder what they were trying to accomplish. I find it hard to believe that there were college graduates gathered in a room who looked at some of these videos and said, "Yes, that looks good. Let's go with that." Anyways, here's my ranking of each of the videos in a completely unbiased (let's be honest it's biased, but I at least tried to be as objective as possible) review and account of what the "filmmakers" were trying to express. Enjoy.
1. OLE MISS
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5KpURoP49s
Regardless of the fact this is where I spent 3 awesome years of law school and I'm a huge fan, the video is the best of the 14. The music is awesome, the view of The Grove on game day is absolutely stunning, and the let's just say the eye candy would give you instantaneous diabetes. Wilford Brimley wouldn't make it down The Walk of Champions. Seriously, the video is upbeat, it shows off food spreads that rival any cookbook, bow ties (you gotta have bow ties), kids playing football, and it does a great job showcasing that if you go to Oxford on a game weekend, you will have a phenomenal time. I was there for 3 years and our best season was 4-8. You read that correctly 4-8! And I still had an awesome time. Great job on the video.
2. LSU
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iGpfRnDHrgA
Bravo, Bayou Bengals. The video with soundtrack by Guru, yes I had to look it up, is very chill. It's got a good vibe and a hand painted framed portrait of a tiger that lives better than 95% of the population of Louisiana. Football is prevalent throughout the video; however, the best part is Mike the Tiger just hanging out in his habitat. I was disappointed I didn't see any Les Miles cameos though.
3. Alabama
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MJskfXycB3U
This video gives you chills even if you hate Bama. Bear Bryant's words wash over the listener like your grandfather telling you a story about the war. It's mesmerizing and somber. If you've ever been to Tuscaloosa you know you don't dare wear anything but crimson and houndstooth in that town.
4. South Carolina
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QuD0OBbA2-w
Hats off Gamecock fans. You won't make a techno fan out of me, (I don't have robot ears) but I applaud you for trying. I've never seen so many Southerners in my life praise a rooster that much and then not try to eat it. The energy level though is infectious and with The Ol' Ball Coach at the helm, y'all finally have something to crow about.
5. Mississippi State
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4aEs_2Y33jU
Maybe it's the fact that I just love baseball, or maybe it's the fact that the down home feel of the video makes me nostalgic for playing ball in the summer, but this is a good video. The music makes it feel like a Ken Burns documentary is about to start. The ingenuity of 20,000 engineers with a love for sports and time on their hands if not to be trifled with. Well played State.
6. Florida
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GU_jof6LPhw
I think watching the stadium do The Chomp in unison is pretty cool, but the best part is the guy who is dead serious that you are not allowed to do the Chomp with your left hand coming over your right. May the Good Lord help you if you get that Chomp wrong. The Jaws theme was a nice touch.
7. Missouri
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G-SsY7kYNIs
This video started off weak. Sorry, I'm not a fan of a cappella groups. However, it finished strong. The ride around campus, the cheerleaders, the female rugby team all built up to forced indoctrination of small school children singing your anthem. Start 'em young, raise 'em right! Way to go Mizzou.
8. Texas A&M
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JKm-bXu0vd8
This video would have ranked lower, but I'm a dog lover. It's hard not to get sentimental about your own dog when you see someone else enjoying their's. They make life far better. Thanks for pulling on the heart strings A&M.
9. Georgia
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xWFNmD6eR7A
It's not that this is a bad video. It's just 30+ years old. We all know Herschel Walker was unbelievable, but you really went all in on this one Georgia. You've got a great school, awesome football, great downtown life, and game day is a lot of fun, it would have been nice to see some of that instead of an ESPN Classic highlight.
10. Arkansas
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4mLPvdYhx34
Call me an elitist if you want, but starting off your video with a guy in blue jean overalls calling hogs is not doing wonders for your school's reputation. Arkansas actually has a lot of tradition, show some Lou Holtz, throw in some Nolan Richardson "40 Minutes of Hell," talk about how your stadium becomes the 3rd largest city in the state on game day or something. Please note I am fully aware I just talked about not making this an ESPN Classic highlight, but some nostalgia sprinkled in is not a bad thing.
11. Auburn
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e2FEurZH7Fs
Lazy Auburn, lazy. Yes, you roll Toomer's Corner, we get it. Don't make your entire video about beating Bama though, it reeks of little brother syndrome. You're better than that.
12. Vanderbilt
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=g0eY85dzA8g
Vandy, oh Vandy. I'm sorry maybe it's me, but it's difficult to get excited about that video. I literally almost fell asleep during it. You need to come with some more enthusiasm. The overall feeling was it's everybody gets a trophy day, and when everybody gets trophy, it makes me feel like no one got a trophy.
13. Tennessee
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kosxY1zrLx8
Rocky Top, this video was terrible. Plain and simple, it was terrible. Read it in a Charles Barkley voice if you want, but it was terrible. The only reason I didn't rank it dead last was because it has a baby and a mother in it, and I don't want to seem completely heartless. Texas A&M already pulled at my emotions with Lassie, and now you deliberately try and make me cry with a baby and its mother singing Rocky Top. I'd rather watch the Sarah McLachlan Animal Cruelty video again than this. Low blow Vols, low blow.
14. Kentucky
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=locTXsSiD_k
Wildcats, first off I respect your basketball program. I do, but you make a basketball video and you don't include Ashley Judd. Seriously? I kept waiting for this video to start getting interesting. This was the sparklers of videos. That's it? I'm supposed to get excited about...that? The people at Midnight Madness in Lexington weren't excited about that. Stick to bourbon and horse racing Kentucky.
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