Please note, this post is based entirely in satire, well mostly.
Alright America, so we're really doing this? Here we are in the middle of 2016, and let's just say it's been a rough year for democracy. 1/3 of the country wants to be fascist, 1/3 of the country wants to be socialist, and the remaining 1/3 wants to get the hell away from the other 2/3. So, let's take a look at where those Americans who are looking to to ride out the inevitable storm of horrific economic and social policy that is sure to follow the eventual leader of the free world beginning in January 2017, will "vacation" until 2021.
ITALY
Right out of the gate, let's head to The Boot; a country filled with pristine mountains, gorgeous coastline, and some of the best food on the planet. Italy's small towns and big cities are loaded with historical sites cultural treasures. The vast majority of Italians are friendly fun-loving people, and they literally have pizza vending machines everywhere.
Some of the best places to visit are the Amalfi Coast, Venice, Cinque Terre, Milan, Rome, and Florence. The train system can get you pretty much anywhere in the country in a day at an affordable price, the climate is mild, and pesto may be one of the best inventions in the history of mankind.
ARGENTINA
First of all let's take a look at the economy. $1 currently equals almost 14 Argentine Pesos. Now, that sounds phenomenal, but it's not quite as great as you'd think. Still, you can get a beer for about $2-3, and a decent bottle of wine for around $5. What really makes this place a hot destination though, is the scenery. Whether you love the beaches and city life of Buenos Aires, the vineyards and gaucho ranches, littered throughout the country, which contain some of the best beef and wine in the world, or the Patagonia region on the border with Chile, Argentina is exquisitely beautiful, and very affordable. Plus, they've got a pretty good track record of assimilating individuals into society who fled their country because of ideological differences.
CANADA
The best neighbor ever is next on our list. You know that friend you have, who is so overly nice and goes along with everything you do, you wonder if he's actually a serial killer? That's Canada. Vancouver is one of the most beautiful cities in the world, Toronto is consistently ranked as one of the most livable places in existence, and Montreal takes some of the best parts of France and mixes it into North American culture. That's just a small sample of our neighbor to the north. They also have some phenomenal hunting and game lands, while making sure to preserve their natural surroundings for generations to come. Don't ever change Canada; we love y'all.
NORWAY
Think Canada's full of clean landscapes and friendly people? Imagine Canada with more mountains, lakes, and people with cooler accents. Welcome to Norway. A land of fjords, fishing, and The Northern Lights (which should be on everyone's bucket list); some of the best views in Europe are found in this Scandinavian marvel. Norway is the historic home of the Vikings, and other people, who while very sociable, you historically do not want to mess with.
Think of an entire country full of Tormund Giantsbanes. Laugh now, but he was just cast to play a medieval Norwegian King.
AUSTRIA
If Germany and Switzerland had a child and gave it their top genetic traits, they'd name it Austria. I spent nearly half a day on a train riding through the Austrian Alps relaxing and taking in the scenery, and I was not disappointed. If you've ever been to a place so beautiful, you don't even want to take pictures for fear your eyes will miss something, you know what it feels like to be in a place as beautiful as Austria. After 3 days in Salzburg, it was not hard to see why this Alpine country is so desirable to live in. The lake district, the mountains, the food, the music, the buildings, the beer halls, everything about this place in jaw-dropping.
SCOTLAND
Love going to the mountains, drinking a ton of whisky, and shooting guns? Well, head to Scotland and you'll fit right in. If you want to experience what snow, hail, rain, and sunshine feel like in the span of about 30 minutes, take a drive through The Highlands. While the food isn't that great, the conversation with the locals more than make up for it. Scotland is a little more pricey than some of the other places on this lists, being that the British pound still substantially outweighs the US dollar, but you'll find that the experience in places like Edinburgh, Glasglow, and St. Andrews (the home of golf) more than compensate for the price difference.
Those are just some of the best places to spend the next 4 years exploring the world outside of the United States. I purposefully left off some other countries on this list for self-serving reasons... i.e. countries that end in WITZERLAND. Cheers to 2021, America!
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